What Really Happened at Mycroft's Second Wedding
by Pluppelina
Summary: Title says it all. Sherlock/John, meaning mentions of man-on-man action. Nothing graphic. Rated for lots of sex talk in general.


Most of the wedding attenders were still dancing together, even though it was hardly as organized as it had been before the bar opened. You were getting incredibly sick of it by now, though. You had been bored from the beginning, woke up with a terrible mood, and you wouldn't even have gone unless John had bodily pulled you out of bed and made you. Really impressive, John was, once he had set his mind to something. He was even more stubborn than you were, and that was something you had learned the hard way. John was under the impression that he had to bring you up, and in order to do so, he had decided to not have sex with you unless you did your part of the household chores. Needless to say, your dry spell had been going on for over a week now. You had to admit it had a lot to do with you going to the wedding and being polite all the way through it.

Right then he wasn't to be seen anywhere anymore, so when you thought about it, there wasn't anything keeping you from slipping up to bed a little early. You really doubted that anyone would miss you in this mass of people, anyway. Five hundred wedding guests and you had no idea about where any of them had come from. It was pretty unbelievable that Mycroft even knew 500 people. Most of them must be from the wife's side. They wouldn't think anything of it if you left. Looking left on the sofa you currently occupied, there was a pile of little children sleeping and snoring. Looking right, there were a couple of teenagers who didn't even seem to know you were there. They were holding hands and whispering together and it would really have been quite adorable if you hadn't been able to smell the alcohol on their breaths all the way to where you were. Not important, though, let them have their fun and they'd let you have yours. Those kids wouldn't miss you. So you stood up and started making your way to the entrance, pretty relieved when you made it. Giving your name at the reception desk awarded you a key, and even if all you really wanted was to go home to your own bed, this'd have to do. You couldn't understand why on earth Mycroft had wanted to have his wedding in Glasgow of all places, but there you were, so you'd make the best of it and the best right now meant slip into a nice hotel bed and wait for John to get sick of dancing.

At the same time, Mycroft was across the big dancing hall, trying to slip out back unnoticed by his new wife. Of course that just wouldn't be done. One could say a lot of things about Jamie, but she was observant.

"Where are you going?" she called after him, and he shrugged. He should just make some excuse up, he knew that much, but he had no idea what. She was intimidating in a way that only his wives had ever managed to, and that made him so ill at ease he just blurted the truth out.

"I need to make a call to the home office regarding..."

She cut him off, "On our wedding night?"

It occurred to him right then that the perfect lie would've been to say something about fixing up the last details of the honeymoon. Damn, he needed to stop marrying women he couldn't lie to.

"Yes, love, on our wedding night. But as soon as we have left tomorrow, I promise you I'll keep my phone off and in the hotel room the entire time."

Jamie still didn't look very convinced and Mycroft could tell that she was about to put her hands on her hips, and if she did, he'd have no choice but to go back in no matter what the situation with Sarkozy might be. Therefore he quickly gave her the best argument he could come up with.

"Why don't you go talk with Elisabeth for a few minutes and I'll be back before you know it."

Now, Jamie hadn't planned on talking to Elisabeth anymore during that night because Elisabeth had a way of getting too drunk and crying at weddings, and even if she was the sweetest girl when she was sober, Jamie didn't feel like comforting her all through her wedding night because her childhood pet had gotten driven over by a car some 20 years ago. But Jamie knew that desperate look on Mycroft's face when she saw it, so she decided to let it slide. Perhaps Elisabeth wasn't that drunk yet, after all.

But of course, Elisabeth was that drunk, and before Jamie knew it she was sitting on the floor with Elisabeth crying mascara tears into her lap – yes, that's right, on her wedding dress. She petted Elisabeth's head as well as she could make herself given the circumstances while she desperately tried to think of a way to get rid of Elisabeth without hurting her feelings. Or at least a way to make her stop drinking without physically hurting her. It wasn't an easy task, making her feel better or making the situation slightly less hopeless for either one of them since Elisabeth had gotten to that point in her drinking when it was just impossible to hear what she said. Jamie had known Elisabeth for quite some time, so she knew what came after the illegible mumbling, and she didn't really feel like snogging right then so she better hurry up and think of something.

"A wah me too-hooo-hooo," Elisabeth cried in her lap.

"I'm sure it'll be fine, yeah?" Jamie answered her, trying her very best to sound soothing despite the increasing desperation of the situation. She wasn't above just grabbing someone at random at that point, and come to think of it, that was an incredible idea. So she just reached out and took a firm hold of the first pants leg she could reach to call attention to the situation.

The unfortunate young man who turned around to see what it was that so insistently tried to communicate with his shin was Teddy, and he was sorely sick of not having a girlfriend. What was the point in going to a wedding if not to find some poor drunk bride's maid and take advantage of the situation? So when Teddy turned around to face what if not a poor drunk bride's maid in desperate need of some gentle care, he did not realise just how unfortunate he was. She did look a little too drunk as well, drunk enough to wail the rape siren in the morning, and that wasn't something Teddy wanted to have any kind of hand in at all. But the look the woman underneath her was giving him, a very angry, very convincing look, scared him to the point of no return. It was the bloody bride; Teddy basically _had_ to take the other woman off her hands.

"Would you please take her off me?" Jamie begged him, because Mycroft be damned, she was not going to put up with this for another five minutes. Teddy eagerly nodded, of course he would and don't worry, ma'am. Jamie frowned at being called "ma'am", but she didn't say anything else as Teddy grabbed Elisabeth by the shoulders and pulled her to her feet. Jamie was gone before Elisabeth had even realised she was up on her feet.

"How are you?" Teddy asked Elisabeth politely, and she swayed slightly on her feet as she pondered the question. Lonely, she decided, pretty lonely. But that could be easily fixed. When Elisabeth leaned in to kiss Teddy, but stopped herself just before their lips met to burp instead, Teddy started to realise that perhaps this wasn't the very lucky situation it had promised to be. When Elisabeth then without the slightest warning started throwing up on his rented tux, he admitted total defeat.

After making sure Elisabeth was at least sitting down again, Teddy had hurried of to the bathrooms to try and clean the worst of the puke from his clothes. He realised pretty soon that it was hopeless. During the course of the night, Elisabeth had along with all the other guests at the party eaten blueberry pie for desert and later decided to get drunk on red wine, so it really was a battle already lost, the war against that stain. Teddy was in fact making it even worse since the paper towels he used were falling apart against his shirt and leaving a coat of white lint. He sighed; a perfectly fine tuxedo, ruined. He wondered how much it'd cost to replace. He wondered how he'd find something else to wear in the least time imaginable. He came to the conclusion that going up to his room and finding something appropriate in his, or perhaps his roommate's, bag would be it. But there was just no way he'd walk around in a shirt looking like this, what if someone saw him? No, Teddy decided, _anything _was better than that. He started to strip.

So twenty minutes later found him outside the door to the hotel room he shared with his friend in nothing but his underwear, and staring at a tie on the doorknob. A tie. That his mate, his loser mate that Teddy had only brought to look good next to, his mate who was so lousy with chicks it was laughable. _He_ had gotten laid, while Teddy hadn't? Not only that, either. He had gotten laid and Teddy had gotten puke all over him.

Now of course Teddy didn't know it was another bloke in there with Nick, but it probably wouldn't have made him feel much better, because then he'd have shared a flat with a fag for almost a year, and on top of everything else, that might just have gotten Teddy a blackout. Maybe it would've been better for the chain of events if Teddy had indeed blacked out and been forgotten out in the hallway until Nick decided it was time for his nightly companion to sneak back out at which point he'd have to step over Teddy, but that wasn't the case. Instead, Teddy figured that in his position as the weaker man, he had to also be the better man so to speak and not interrupt Nick in the middle of his rendezvous. He would however have to think up another way of getting clothes, because he was getting a bit nippy and it wasn't to his advantage at all.

That was when Belinda turned the corner. Now, Belinda was also a young woman who had gone to the wedding with every intention of getting some. Despite her good looks she still hadn't because her mother had been watching over her like a hawk and, well, Belinda was of the opinion that you just didn't go out chatting boys up when your _mum_ was hanging on your shoulder. It had been in an act of desperation that Belinda had fled upstairs, simply to get away from it all. She had figured it was her faith to go to bed alone that night, but when she turned that corner and her eyes landed on Teddy, shirtless and grinning, with his hair ruffled and a twinkle in his eye, she decided that no, she was most definitely not going to bed alone.

Belinda and Teddy decided that going to Belinda's room was the best course of action, seeing how Teddy's room was already occupied, so they started off down the hallway after a few flirty remarks had been exchanged on, among other things, Belinda's eyes and Teddy's abs. Halfway down the hall they were almost run down by a very hurried man in a trench coat and they had to dive in to the side because of it, accidentally slamming into one of the doors in the hall. A girl came running after him, shouting "we're going the wrong way!", but the man didn't seem to pay her any mind. As Belinda and Teddy stepped away from the door, it was opened by a rather aggressive-looking young man with a shaved head and dangerously large biceps that made Teddy's normally rather manly arms look like boiled spaghetti straws. Both the young lovers-to-be backed away from the door.

"Watcha want?" the man snapped, and Belinda and Teddy exchanged a look. Teddy didn't know that the man in the door, Mike, was a very nice harmless fellow who just looked like he might kill you without even blinking. Belinda did know this, if course, it was after all Bella's boyfriend, but she wanted to see if Teddy was the kind of guy she could trust in an emergency or if he would just chicken out. Teddy decided to do his best to defend himself if it came to that, but that he'd rather it didn't, so he quickly backed away with his hands up in the air.

"Eh, nothing, sir," he managed and to his credit, his voice remained steady even as Mike turned his eyes full on him. Belinda was actually a little impressed even if it wasn't the bravest thing he could've done. "Terribly sorry, sir."

Mike muttered something neither of them caught, and to be honest, Mike didn't really say anything either. He had found that muttering under your breath was one of the few fool-proof ways of making unwanted company leave faster than they could say "bye". Then, he shut the door in their faces. Teddy barely had the time to sigh in relief and smile meekly at Belinda before the stressed man came running down the hallway again, this time in the other direction, still with the girl behind him. "Wrong way!" he yelled to her as means of explanation, and she rolled her eyes at him even as she ran. Now of course Teddy and Belinda were just as unprepared for the running man this time around, so they were slammed right back into the door once again, and when they gained their footing back the door opened once again and Mike turned his blood-thirsty eyes on them. Teddy had been through a lot in the past hour, and you really had to forgive him for doing what he did. Standing face to face with a guy built like Mike might be too much for anyone, especially if that someone was just wearing a pair of plain white briefs. Teddy quite simply grabbed Belinda, turned, and ran.

"If anyone else knocks on this door tonight!" Mike shouted after them as a warning, mostly because he didn't think that his girlfriend's sister should be going out with such a loser.

When they reached Belinda's hotel room, her little sister Bella was lounging on the bed, reading a teen magazine. Or, she looked like she was pouting. In reality, her thoughts were on the pregnancy test that was waiting for her on the sink in the bathroom. What if she was pregnant? Would she keep the baby? Did she want a baby, was she perhaps _hoping_ for two little blue lines as opposed to one? Oh, it was all terribly confusing for poor Bella. Terribly confusing all in vain, might be added, since Mike was really sterile. None of them knew it yet, though, so to Bella it was terribly upsetting and a fair bit preoccupying as well. She hardly noticed Teddy and Belinda as they came into the room, but Teddy and Belinda noticed Bella alright since she was not part of either of their plans that night. Belinda carefully attracted her attention by giving a fake cough that almost made Bella jump out of the bed. She felt like she had been caught red-handed even though she, to Belinda and Teddy, was just lying around. Bella did what she always did when she was nervous; she started blurting.

"You're naked!" she blurted, indicating Teddy's underpants. Even though he was by then realising he was about to have sex and had gotten an obvious semi-boner because of it, he wasn't ashamed. Bella wasn't really either, but she was so nervous about the pregnancy almost anything put her on edge.

"We were kind of..." Belinda said, making very expressive eyes at Bella. Bella knew just exactly what those eyes meant and she didn't really want to have any part of it, she would've been more than happy to leave the two alone, except for the pregnancy test. There was still fifteen minutes to go before she'd know for sure.

"I don't want to leave," she tried to protest, but her sister did what she knew was one of the most persuasive techniques to get what you want; she completely ignored her sister and just went ahead and did it anyway. Teddy was pretty damn shocked when Belinda grabbed his head and started kissing him in total disregard of the fact that her sister was still in the room, but since it was _her_ sister and not his, he didn't see the big deal and was more than happy to return the kiss. Bella admitted defeat at last, and slipped of her bed with a tired sigh. This would be a long night, waiting to come back in and check on that stick.

Bella didn't feel like going to Mike's, seeing how she wasn't sure about the pregnancy and didn't want to tell him unless she was absolutely certain not only if she was pregnant, but also when she had figured out how that made her feel. The only other option she could think about was to go see her mother, so that was the door she went to knock on. Of course her mother couldn't refuse to let her in, as she was her _mum_, but she also realised that something was wrong with the poor girl and she had already had a very stressful day, arranging the wedding and helping out with last minute details, not to even mention the bouquet that had gone missing just an hour before the ceremony, and then the rampant hormones of her _other_ daughter that had to be kept in check, and oh, Donna really just wanted to sleep. Of course that wasn't going to happen. The conversation that followed went something like this:

"Honey, is something wrong?"

"Oh, mum, I think I'm pregnant!"

"...please tell me you didn't just say what I thought you said."

"I'm so sorry! I've taken a test, but I don't know how it turned out yet..."

"Well, where is it?"

"Back in the bathroom."

"So go get it!"

"I can't, Belinda's got a boy in there."

"It's not Jim, is it? She knows how..."

"No, not Jim. I don't know, I've never seen him before. He looked older."

"So, to sum this up, you're pregnant and your sister is alone in the room with an older man, a stranger?"

"...yes."

Donna didn't have anything further to say to Bella. Donna was stressed out beyond words, and she didn't exactly respond well under pressure. Donna had always had a knack for scheming, and this was no exception. She had two problems she needed taken care of; she had to get her oldest daughter to stop risking pregnancy and she needed to sneak back inside her youngest daughter's hotel room to get a look at the pregnancy test _she_ had taken. There was one very obvious solution on how to make Belinda and whoever leave their room, Belinda as well as everyone else. Donna carefully snuck out into the hallway, looked about, and when she had determined she was all alone, pulled the fire alarm.

Meanwhile, in another hotel room:

"Oh, yes, John, finally! Come on, come here, I can't wait, it's been so long, you're so hot..."

"Mmm, Sherlock, yes... Sorry... Ow, okay, it's alright, that's hot... Don't stop..."

"Aaah... no... wouldn't dream of sto..."

And then, right here, the fire alarm started going. Two very startled, half-naked, tangled-together men sat up on the bed and looked around themselves bewilderedly.

"Shit!"

"Well, come on, let's go. It's the fire alarm, we ought to get out. What do you reckon has happened?"

"I have no idea, but I bet you anything it's Mycroft's fault."


End file.
